31st October 2017

Creative writing

Time spent Writing:  0/6 hours left 


Car accident:

  • Person driving laying on the ground injured

  • Paramedics and policemen gather around him/her

  • Broken arm and leg crushed under the car

The scene was a bomb. Small pieces of debris scattered for miles but as you moved closer the small pieces of debris turn into parts from a car. Flashing lights of ambulances and police cars were luminous in the dark night. A small crowd standing upon a young man lying beside his deconstructed car. His agony flooded his body. His upper body perfectly intact, but his lower body squashed beneath the bonnet. The moon peeked out behind a dark cloud, shining down on the man as if it was an angel coming from heaven to save him, but then retreated back to a new dark cloud as if it were sign that he wasn’t going to die.

In pain still, the man laid there looking at the sky. He looked at it in a way that made it seem like his eyes were trying to pull himself towards it. From his pelvis to his toes, looked like a deflated balloon. One look at him and it was easy to say that he would never walk again but even if there was a glimmer of hope, the paramedics were unable to help him until his shattered car was lifted off of him. His welled up eyes showed memories of his younger self. Seeing the reckless younger version of himself, thinking he was unstoppable. Quickly reality hit, realising that his unstoppable streak had now ended and his reckless days were over.

The blood started to pour from underneath the front of the car. The young man’s face was pale like paper, his skin was cold as ice and he was too weak to get through it. He started to become unconscious and then conscious until he was completely unconscious. When he woke he saw faces of despair turn into relief. They looked at him like they were waiting for him to do something, but he sat and looked at them right back. In his eyes, you could see the confusion of it all. The young man was frozen, his heart monitor sounded like a car alarm that wouldn’t turn off. He pulled his weak body further away from them, not knowing who they were.


Join the conversation! 2 Comments

  1. Well done on getting started Mckenzie.

    Remember to really develop that description of your character. Look over the task outline again and the exemplar you were given.

    Try to think of those key features that are pointed out in the exemplar- how can you ensure you have effective imagery through this piece. What parts can you develop further?

    Remember the due date for this piece is Wednesday 8th November at 5pm.

  2. Mckenzie, during your final hour, think about the following:

    – where have you used figurative language (e.g. metaphor simile personification) for effect? How can you develop this?

    – you have used a lot of repeated words. Make sure you vary your vocabulary.

    – read your sentences for accuracy. Grammar and punctuation. Make sure you have a variety of short and long sentences.

    – “show not tell”. You must develop this more.

    Good luck!


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